Some random things I feel badly for not having told you about… things I would normally fill you in on daily had I not been swamped with good business.
1. a birthday present tale. The night of my birthday, after all was said and done, Jordy and I pulled up to the house. Half asleep we moseyed on over to our front door and noticed a silver, shiny gift bag. I said to myself, “YESSS one more present!, I never want this to end…” We continued on inside and read the gift card. It was from Debra and her gang. What could it be? Seriously? I had no idea. I took it out of the bag and it was none other than… drum roll please.. a shake weight. Have you had the pleasure of seeing this infomercial yet? Watch and enjoy
2. I wasn’t sure I was going to share this story, but here we go. So, I went to meet my wonderful Aunty Kathy the other day in White Plains. We were going to get me some new sneaks… the right way.. the road runner way. Apparently this place studies your feet, the wear on your sneakers, and your walking tendencies. After they decide what the dilly is, they “prescribe” you a pair of sneaks to compensate for your footy flaws. How fun. (none of that had to do with my story- aren’t you glad you wasted your time reading it?). So.. it was a Friday. 1:30 pm. I hopped on 95 (first mistake) and drove almost 20 miles in denial about the traffic that was already accumulating on the other side (Northbound). It wasn’t until I got to exit 5 (I had driven from 27), that I threw up my white flag (in the air.. I didn’t regurgitate a white flag…) and decided I was going to turn around then and there. It wasn’t worth getting caught in the traffic coming back. So I pulled off the exit and entered a more hellish situation that I would ever have encountered in stop and go traffic on 95. What did I encounter, you may ask? It was Greenwich CT ‘tude. (No offence, Greenwichians)
You would have thought a natural disaster had just occurred. People were freaking out everywhere as they came off of traffic laden 95. They were cutting off and screaming out loud, throwing dirty looks left and right, and just couldn’t stand the fact that they had to take local roads in order to avoid sitting in traffic. It was all fine and dandy until I pulled up to a busy, 2 lane (going each way) street, that I was going to have to turn left on. Having been in a car accident many years ago, which had everything to do with a left turn, I am somewhat hesitant when it comes to this sort of thing. I took a few deep breaths and waited for the perfect moment. It just wasn’t happening. I heard my mom’s voice in my head, “you just wait until it feels right. It’s totally O.K.”… so I waited until it felt right. And it just never did. I waited and I waited.. and just as I started to feel the right moment present itself, I got ready, looked both ways for one last time… and then I heard a LOUD ASS HOONNNNNKKKK come from behind. I had no choice but to let that perfect moment get carried away by the wind, and I looked in my rear view mirror. A 40 something woman, cigarette in hand, puffed a cloud of smoke and screeched, “COME ON!” holding her horn down. Well, Lady, I was just about to go and YOU ruined it!
I really didn’t know what to do. Part of me wanted to cry and part of me wanted to get out of the car and pull her hair. deep breath, Maddie. Deep breath… I saw her window was down, so I rolled mine down, made sure to be calm and collected, and by waving my hand, requested that she go around me if she was in such a rush to drive into 4 lanes of on coming traffic. She started yelling something really nasty and I don’t know what came over me, but I mustered up all the strength and courage I had, and decided I was going to yell the most horrendous, offensive thing that I could think of… seconds felt like hours until I figured out what I was going to say. I got ready… here it was… I took a deep breath and screeched at the top of my lungs… “BE. NICE. It doesn’t take that much to be NIIIICEEEE!“. She stopped dead in her tracks, probably thinking.. what? what did that girl just say? And then again, I hollered even louder, “Why do you have to be SO MEAN?!, YOU MEAN WOMAN!”
Yeah. That’s what I said…. You don’t wanna get in a fight with me. I’m bad to the bone.
Her fists went up in the air, she gave me a gross face, and then, like a pot of gold, my moment to turn left appeared out of nowhere. I made the left turn and my foot was shaking so uncontrollably that the gas pedal kept slipping out from underneath my foot. What the hell was that?! Before I knew it, I looked in my rear view mirror and there she was again. I wanted to gather my strength one last time and actually say something that made sense– something abrasive to get my point across.. but the chance never presented itself.. and then I just pictured her getting home, looking in the mirror and saying… “Am I really a mean person?” … and that’s when I realized that my diss was better than any F U, or Screw off… my diss was pretty freakin good. I actually felt bad about what I had said… But, how dare she honk at a traumatized left turner… Ya know?! Hopefully my brave, heroic actions will stop this mad woman from harassing any of you at a crazy left turn moment!
The end.
3. lastly, some photos for you. no real words to describe them.. especially after all of the wordiness above.
