There is such a stigma associated with de-tagging ones self from a photo on facebook. We’ve probably all done it at one point or another.. or at least wanted to… but when do we draw the line and surrender? When do we finally let go and just say, “IT’S OK.”… and “I’m going to be alright with the world seeing this side of me”. What is it we’re so worried about? Why do we try SO hard to control the way that others see us. Why do we get so flustered when that photo goes up… the one that we didn’t have a say about?

For me, it could be the up close shot that reveals my crooked nose (don’t pretend you’ve never noticed), or the fact that I’ve been slacking at the gym… Maybe it’s the picture of you hanging out with someone that you weren’t supposed to be with.. or the one which reveals you wearing your friends dress… the one that she forgot at your house and should have been mailed to her ages ago.

Tonight it was a photograph of me sunbathing, asleep, in a friends boat. My instant reaction, when this picture popped up in the news feed on my facebook app, was to first gasp for air, and then run to my computer, fumbling as fast I could to de-tag. It had been up for a total of 11 minutes. I was so freaked out by the thought of onlookers seeing the photo … and seeing the truth! The truth, that is, what I look like in a bikini! If you’ve ever beached with me, you’ll notice I’m very careful about how I dress and what I reveal. It’s rare that I’ll go full bikini mode sans shorts or coverup, but once in a while, it happens.

Initially, I SO didn’t want to be a de-tagger… After all, who wants to be a de-tagger.Whatever.. It’s the angle.. it’s the lighting… it’s .. it’s… me! I should be comfortable with that! I work hard, I eat well, I am happy and healthy and ok.. I have curves and thighs and it’s real. And then I suddenly felt like my secret was out.. people would really know what my body looks like. people would know what I hide beneath the empire waist dresses… and bell bottoms… They’d see what’s really actually there.. Somewhere between the moment of feeling empowered, the Tate’s Chocolate chip cookie, ingested due to temporary and fleeting emotional stress, and then another short bought of self-consciousness I hit the de-tag button and immediately felt even more ashamed and embarrassed.

When I clicked the option to de-tag, there was a box that popped up. It simply asks whether you’d like to de-tag or report the photo in multiple choice form… In my self loathing state I imagined it to offer me the following options for de-tagging

-big nose

-bare legs that you’re not proud of

-ugly sleeping face

I began thinking of all the reasons I shouldn’t let the world see me like this….

That’s when the evil girl who sometimes lives inside my head and makes me feel less than beautiful told me to shut up and click it. Not in a crazy way.. just in a Gemini kinda way…

One instant I was questioning what it was that I was running from, and then instantly worried that friends who saw the photo would mumble, “maybe she should be running more..”

Finally, after I de-tagged and felt my brain flood with thoughts about weighing the importance of ‘preserving’ ones image by hiding the truth.. I told myself to just shut the eff up and write a post about all of this so I could figure out what it was that was happening in my head.

I came up with the following

1) I am who I am

2) I should love who I am, love what I do, and love how I look

3) I should not have de-tagged based on fear of what others think

4) We can’t operate with the mindset that a photograph will change others’ perception of you… and if it does, eff them!

So is there a closing thought here? I don’t really know. I guess what I need to do is post that photo that I was so afraid of… I’m going to post that photo right in this post.. I need to share the things that made me self conscious and OWN them! I need to face the fact that I am a healthy human being with a large set of thighs that I should be proud of.. that these are first world problems… that I should try and give each of you a little bit of courage to be comfortable with who you are in every way… If there’s one thing I’d love to get out of this awkward moment where you scroll down to see a less than attractive photo of yours truly, it’s that I want to give you a little push today and every day to L-O-V-E who you are in every way. Let’s make a pact and do this together. Instead of standing in front of the mirror picking ourselves apart, let’s try and find things that are awesome and wonderful..

Instead of accusing my nose of being large and in charge, I want to love the fact that it’s similar to the noses of people I love! Just when I start to accuse my ass for being too big and my hips too wide, I’m going to accentuate them and be proud that I’ve got beautiful curves and know how to dress them. Ugh, you get the point. I don’t want this to turn into some cliche thesis about loving thyself, but it might be too late. So, here it is… thighs and all… what I was afraid to show the world. Oh, and that’s my less than attractive sleeping face. Pensive, furrowed brow dreaming of something silly or weird – who knows.. but that’s me!

That’s it! That’s the photo that had me in a tizzy… Some of you might be rolling your eyes and be thoroughly disappointed that the photograph isn’t something you thought it would be.. some of you will understand just what I mean. We’ve all been there. If you say you haven’t I know you’re lying, people! Ok moving on. This post is WAY too long.

Now that I’ve bared it all, share something awkward with me! Please? I can’t wait to hear your thoughts. Heck.. I dare all of us to post a photo that makes us uncomfortable. Double doggy dare ya.