Let’s set the scene… Jordo and I are sitting at the table enjoying a romantic dinner by candlelight… I am admiring his handsomeness and he is looking straight into my eyes. I peacefully smile and prepare myself because I can just tell that I am about to receive an endearing comment… and it comes out in slow motion… I can still picture his mouth shaping the words as they floated across the table into my ears… and he whispers… “You have beady eyes.”

Speechless. I have what? Do you even know what that means? Do you know what a comment like that can do to a gal? Are my eyes really… beady?! WTF! AND… where is the compliment that I thought I was going to get?! I dropped my fork and took my beady little eyes over to the mirror so I could check out the situation. I mean– they’re dark and what-not… but, beady?! Then I thought– maybe he or I is misunderstanding the word– perhaps he thinks they look like beautiful beads or something. When asked, he replied, “just that they’re like, small and dark.”

I decided to google the phrase and see whether.. idunno, Jessica Alba popped up or something… You know when you hate having a feature until you realize that some drop-dead celeb shares that same quirk with you and then everyone just thinks it’s cute… to have a huge ass (thanks Kim), or a crooked nose* (thanks Molly Simms), or stand just a few inches above 5 feet (thanks, Shakira)…

but instead of finding something pleasant and encouraging I found a quick definition on WikiAnswers that read, “when people have small dark eyes just like a rats eye its called beady eyes..not very good looking.. looking with a lot of suspicion and a lot of negativity…that’s beady eyes.” Great. I’ve never felt so sexy.

Realizing that I have… what Jordan refers to… as beady eyes… is worse than the day you realize your face is so un-symmetrical you wonder how the right side even matches the left… It’s like noticing that you have a five-head or kankles. Things that simply cannot be changed. (I am kidding around here.. we are all beautiful in our own, special, beady little way).

Ok. So I’m going to stop sounding so vein and I’m just going to embrace those beady little effers.

I need makeup tips…  OK. so now I’m searching for “makeup tips for small eyes” and the first thing that pops up is, “makeup for small, beady eyes”. That five letter word is going to haunt me forever. grrr.. I am going to work some magic today and post my discoveries throughout the day. I’ll put up some before and after pictures and I’ll need your input and advice. I remember when I was little, my friend Jamie and I used to line our eyes with white, Wet ‘n Wild eye liner… we thought it “opened up” our eyes… Sometimes I hear to use a nude pencil, and sometimes I hear black. what are your thoughts?! Already YouTubing the topic and apparently 761,663 other people have the same question. Stay tuned, beauties!

*I ran into my classmate, Rita, in 5th grade whilst playing capture the flag in gym. Rita and I were both chasing Jordan, who ran through us, resulting in a Maddie and Rita collision. ouch. result? broken nose = crooked nose.

Beady Eyes Update

OK. So, what I’ve gathered thus far is the following… thanks to the Kandee Johnson… how freakin cute is she! Check out her blog as well.. because you will be on there all day, I promise!

1. cover entire lid, up to brow, with a priming shadow, or liquid… this prevents creasing and keeps makeup in place!
2. sweep a nude / flesh color and sweep it all over the lid
3. work a color that’s slightly darker than your skin tone into the crease
4. apply a highlight under the brow
5. If you want to incorporate a smoky color, keep it to the outer corner of your lid and blend it in really well
6. place your black eyeliner, if you chose to use it, on the outer half or third of your eye- as close to the lash line as possible… and apply it in a rounded shape with a winged end (heya Amy W)
7. Yay! Kandee says it’s all good to line lower the inside of your lid with a white liner
8. blend some brown under the lower outer portion of your eye and above the liner your applied to the outer edge of your upper lid… tongue twister
9. CURL those lashes, ladies!
10. MASCARA!

I had to put her video up here… it’s 10,000 times better than me trying to create something for you all… maybe I’ll post something tomorrow just so you can laugh at me.